Priya's "great escape"
At the age of 17, Priya was forced to marry a complete stranger. On her wedding night she was drugged and raped. She was told she’d be hunted down and killed if she tried to run away. But eventually, after eight years of misery, she did just that. She speaks out about her “great escape” in the hope that other forced marriage survivors will also seek help.
Priya sums up her childhood as “schizophrenic”. Born in a small village in India’s Punjab region, she moved to a town in Northeast England at the age of one. Priya, not her real name, wasn’t allowed friends and felt conflicted between the Western values of her school and her strict, traditional upbringing.
When she turned 13, she was forced to stay at home to help with domestic chores. Her school attendance dropped by 50% but no one intervened.
“Why didn’t the school question why I was never there? My father said there was no need for education where I was going.”
The nightmare begins
At the age of 17, Priya was introduced to her future husband.
“We met for just half an hour and I wasn’t allowed to spend time alone with him.”
Priya was told she had no choice but to marry the man and that if she tried to escape, she’d be hunted down and killed.
In 1987 the couple were quickly wed so that the man could stay in the country before his visa expired. Priya considered escaping but didn’t know where to turn to.
“I knew if I ran away they would find me and kill me. I felt absolute terror but to the outside world I was under control.”
A miserable marriage
The couple had a large Indian wedding in July the following year.
“On the wedding night I was given some milk to drink, I was told it would calm me down. It made me drowsy. I was drugged and raped. I was 17-years-old and had never kissed a man before.”
After the wedding, the couple moved to another town, where Priya felt completely isolated.
“My life was unbearable. Going to work was my only sanity.”
She suffered a couple of miscarriages due to stress.
“All I thought was this is it. This is my life. It felt like a big prison sentence without the walls. The only choice I had was to live this way or suicide – end it all.”
Shame and despair
Things went from bad to worse. Priya's husband decided that they would migrate overseas. Realising she’d be totally cut off from her family, Priya called that country's embassy, asking them to decline their visa. She begged her family for assistance but they refused to intervene.
“I was afraid to bring shame on the family. I felt very alone with no one to talk to. To any outsider all appeared normal.”
Priya felt torn between her duty to her family and her desire for freedom and independence.
“I didn’t feel loved, wanted or cared for in any way, shape or form.”
The "great escape"
The turning point came after Priya suffered her third miscarriage in 1995. Deciding she couldn’t take any more, she quietly plotted her “great escape” to London. She found a new job and a place to live, too scared to share her plans with anyone else.
“The day I left I went to the police station and told them I was leaving my marriage. Then came the date of my great escape.”
Priya recalls being a “nervous wreck” packing her belongings. In March 1995, she finally made the move to London.
“For the first time in my life I was free.”
Priya called her family two days later to tell them she was safe. She was told her mother had suffered a heart attack due to stress and was in hospital. But she refused to return, realising she was being tricked.
She says: "I later learned that I'd been reported missing and leaflets had been posted through doors. A bounty hunter had been hired to track me down."
The next few years, Priya was constantly looking over her shoulder to see if she was being followed.
“I felt very isolated. I missed my family the most on birthdays, Christmas and Diwali festivals.”
Despite her ordeal, Priya managed to stay strong and resisted the urge to return home. She worked fulltime to support herself, studying part time.
A new life
These days Priya's life couldn’t be more different. She has two diplomas to her name. To celebrate her freedom, she has tried out new activities, including skydiving and white water rafting.
She also has a new husband, who couldn’t be more different from the one she was forced into marrying in her teenage years.
“He has a heart of gold and loves me unconditionally.”
But Priya's life is tinged with sadness. Although her new husband’s family has warmly welcomed her, not a single member of her family attended the wedding. She’s still haunted by nightmares from her past.
Karma Nirvana
Over recent years Priya has received support from Karma Nirvana, an Asian charity set up to help survivors of forced marriage and 'honour' based violence. Its helpline is entirely manned by survivors.
Priya now volunteers for Karma Nirvana. Calls made to the charity’s free phoneline, the Honour Network, are fully confidential and don’t show up on itemised phone bills.
Priya says: “I just wish Karma Nirvana had been there 20 years ago. I was one of the lucky ones who escaped. There are many, many others who are suffering.”
Contact the Honour Network on 0800 5999 247.